For starters; a little about my past, myself and my employability as a civilian living with a disability.
When I was growing up as a child of about two to three years old my parents realised that their son wasn't normal, I didn't like playing with other children at my playgroup, when I was playing peek-a-boo I never made eye contact even when the game was with mummy and daddy, I consistently cried over extremely minor things, and by the age of six years old, the local school which I was attending was worried about my social behaviour and my development. After seeing a few doctors, with one just calling a dumb and clumsy kid which would grow out of it.After about a year of this game of ping pong with regional doctors giving silly diagnoses, I was carted off to London where I went to psychology specialist which after hours of testing decided that I was one of the few in the country at the time, which was just about to be diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. I fitted the description and I was a textbook case, funny how regional doctors didn't pick on it, very funny indeed!
At home I was put on a new diet, I was forced by my parents to socialise and make new friends even though I remember thinking what was the point of it and it was a stupid exercise, and probably a futile one at best with the severe anxiety condition which pretty much controlled and dominated my life back then. I remember that year having a birthday party with a load of kids which I had never seen in my life, dure they went to my school, but they were not in my class. When it came time to sing happy birthday, I just ran off crying, mainly as I hated the act of surprises.
I had weird fears and fascinations, I was a avid collector of anything to do with electricity and my favourite pass time was gop outside hunting for different models of pylons (you know the towers that carry electricity to and from the power station and your homes local; substation? I believe they are called transmission towers in the US), well I took pictures, had a notebook, and took down model numbers, I then scrap booked my results. I was a scared to say this to any of my new friends as I rightfully scared that they would find me more different than I was already. Which looking back I think myself as being probably some weird eccentric which didn't fit in properly anywhere in society, apart with others like me which I found a few people when I was about nine years old with one having Tourette's Syndrome, a Dyspraxic (which I believe is somewhere between having a very functioning form of asbergers and having dyslexia) and a kid with ADHD (attention hyperactivity disorder), we were a fun a bunch, yes even today I'm still friends with them and see them occasionally.
I also as I touched on in the last paragraph...have fears and phobias, mainly irrational fears which wouldn't affect normal people and its not a fear of the dark or a fear of snakes or spiders. My fears are fear of the light which hung off of the ceiling in my bedroom...the plug hole/grate in the bottom of the swimming pool...the fear of black colour cisterns on toilets, most of which I am no longer afraid of, but now I have an irrational fear of pylons, yes the same transmission towers from my old fascination and hobby. I also have a fear that nearly everything will kill me and a fear of crowds and public places, which is kind of a huge bummer when I am attempting to become a integrated member of society.
The other problem is my learning curve and the fact that in school I was approximately three years behind everyone else in terms of how I scored on rests as part of the national curriculum. For example I took GCSE's (Englands school systems final test which are compulsory to take when you leave school!), I had the option to bail and not do the final tests and also had the option to leave school a year earlier than anyone else and go to college to study something else instead, possibly I should have done this and learned social skills and other skills which I learned later at college several years later. The grades I got were five E's and two D's which for getting into college or sixth form you generally needed C's or above. I retook my English three times in later life scoring the same E which I got originally which is a bit of a bummer, but instead I did English at A level which I got a B in which is what is needed to get into some universities with a score like that (minus the fact that I would had to have got another six or more A levels to be accepted into even the lowest of the counties universities, but as it goes at the moment I have no need to do a university course, mainly as I think nearly ten grands worth of loans against you for the rest of your working life is a bit of stupid thing really, but maybe one day I might do it and get in as a mature student (when I can pay up front first).
After high school I went to a specialist college with other people with learning disabilities, this is where I did an apprenticeship at a local music studio for three years which I thought was cool as it was experience as working a job under my belt, I also through college connections got work a general cleaner, worked for year and a half in a car audio shop, half a year in a general store selling organic food, which was also a farm shop.So when I left I had certificites, GNVQ's, GNC's city and guilds certification for welding and job references coming out of my ears. I then spent the next month at home everyday sending in forms and applications to pretty much everyplace I was trained to work, this also included menial jobs which included shelf stacking, trolley boy at the local supermarkets and cleaners, six weeks later I was due to start a music engineering course at the local college and in that time I hadn't a single phone call or letter, note, text or slight hint that there was a job offer. I thought what had I done wrong and the thing that I now reckon had happened is that on every form I filled in there was a section on the form which stated "are you disabled" and "what disability do you, how does it affect your ability to do work", there is an apparent law in this county as a employer that they have to fair with job applicants and let in a certain amount of disabled workforce, even though if they don't accept you as an applicant they are not under onus to say why they hadn't employed you and if it was because of disability, technically its against the law but how is this law actually enforced? my guess ifs not very well.
So did a sly experiment I filled out the same forms again to the same companies, but this time using my middle name and not filling the disabled section on the paper work, and guess what by the end of the week I had half the applications back asking me for an interview, on about half those I actually got a job offer after the interview and the job I landed, I was fired in the first week because they found out I had asperger syndrome and didn't' tell them and according to the employer it was fraud on my part even though this was taken to court though my solicitor and they found the company guilty of unfair dismissal and I got a pay out. They where also brought up on discrimination charges which was what was hoping, but according to my solicitor he is seeing this happening more and more and more, and he says its nearly impossible to find employment if you're honest about being disability ad the fact you have the option to disclose it to your employer and there is no rules about them knowing!
After that fiasco, my life really changed when I started college full time doing sound design and engineering to national diploma standard, because I was still under 21 at the time social service and my parents forced me to live in a care home with 24 hour support (as my parents had a extended court order taken out on the protection of custody of myself until the age of 21, which I took them to court over and it took two years to go through whats called a family court, thats not a regular court, during the stay at said care home I was only allowed out of the house to go to college and I wasn't allowed to work, if I wasn't back at the correct time they would file a missing persons report with the local police force and they were notoriously quick to act, so basically it was like living in an open prison (and yes I was treated like a animal by some of the care staff and was generally treated like some form of criminal, locked into a institution).
I moved out as soon as the court order was lifted and moved in with guy which I went to college with. within a year I was married to a girl which went to my high school and seven years later I am still with her, but I still don't have a job. On average I send out about thirty forms a month and haven't had a single reply in seven years. Im on DLA and JSA (which are state benefits) and it looks like unless I get a job answer or my music goes anywhere , I'm going to be stuck in a rut, yes its a easy life, but I personally hate it. I have a obsession with making music these days and that keeps me sane. Its a hobby of mine and I would like to turn it into a business, yes I love making music to generally make people happy, but I want to expand my horizons, sell my albums and live self sufficiently away from government help. As my disability goes these days, all I can say is I have adapted, I have friends which I've met myself, I go out to he town and go to family and social gatherings and unless I tell people that I've got asbergers they are non the wiser. But not saying it does't affect me at all, I still have my daily struggles and I don't think I would ever be considered as normal. My girlfriend is physically disabled and I'm called a Co-carer, so we basically help each other out and have a decent life living together, when it would be nearly impossible living on our own.
I hope this blog posts finds you well, I've been sitting on this one for quite a while not mainly not knowing how to write it. I'm now confident I've covered all basis. If you want more information on my disability, Asperger's Syndrome there's a few good books out there to read, one good one to look for is literally called "Stuarts manual, a guide to dealing with children with Asbergers Syndrome" which is a book which is written about me, by a old friend of mine and my mothers. another good book is "Asbergers Syndrome: a guide for parents and professionals by Tony Attwood. There is the following websites you can look at this first one is by National autistic society and there is their guide to the condition which is here: Guide to Asperger's Syndrome.
This was a brief insight into my life and struggles, if you have any questions don't hesitate to ask me anything related to this topic. Thankyou for reading.
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